Anywhere But Here
by Shananigan
Summary: Post-Season3 Finale continuation; AU; What happens to Shane and her relationships when she gets back from Canada? What happens to Carmen and her relationships when she gets back from Canada? Language and Violence. Shane/Carmen
1. Chapter 1

**Anywhere But Here**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything except the computer I used to write this. All characters, etc are property of whoever really owns them.

**Rating**: PG-13/T

**Note**: This was my first L Word fic and only my third fan-fic ever. I started to write this after the whole S3 finale debacle. So, it's pretty old. I did originally post this at the Sharmen Forum and SharmenOnline, but forgot to post it here... so here you go.

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**Part One**

Shane sat on a bench at the Portland Bus Station smoking a cigarette. She shivered, partly because of the cold wind and partly because of her situation. The bus ride had been quiet, both she and Carla stuck in their thoughts. And when Carla didn't say good-bye after the bus arrived, that upset Shane. _'Why'd you walk away?_' Shane thought, questioning both Carla and herself. _'I guess once a McCutcheon, always a McCutcheon._' Shane chuckled bitterly and shook her head. _'We love to walk away_.' Shane remembered all the times she had walked away from people and it didn't really bother her because none of those people meant anything to her. She had been so callous over the years and was lucky to have the family she now had. But last night, she just walked away from the best thing that ever happened to her and Shane was scared. Scared of what the repercussions of this moment would bring. She finished her cigarette and stood up to look at the departure times. "Where is that f**kin' bus?" She growled.

Shane had grown increasingly cranky since she left Canada and was losing her cool quickly. _'Why does everything have to be so f**ked up? Everyone probably hates me and..._' Shane shook her head, _'Shut up! You did the right thing. You only would have hurt her in the end._' Shane placed her hands at the sides of her head and sat back down on the bench. It took all the strength she had not to cry. Shane sighed. "What am I going to do?"

--------------

Jenny's house was quiet as Carmen sat on the bed that she and Shane had shared. She sighed as she looked around the room. Tears came to her eyes for the millionth time since she had been back as she thought of all the good times she and Shane had shared together. Carmen took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. She stood, turned off the light, and shut the door. She wished that she was able to shut the door on their relationship as easily as she just shut Shane's bedroom door.

Alice, Jenny, Helena, and Lara waited at Carmen's car. They had just finished packing some of her things. Carmen's heart was shattered and she couldn't bring herself to stay in the studio, so she was going to stay at her mother's house for awhile. She was confused, sad, angry, and at a loss. So many thoughts were running through her head and she couldn't make sense of anything right now.

Carmen looked at the ground as she walked to her car. "Um, I'll get the rest of my stuff... I dunno... sometime."

Jenny felt horrible for her friend and placed her hands on the sides of Carmen's face. "Hey, it's okay. This is still your home too. Your stuff can stay as long as you need."

Carmen let a tear drop. "Okay."

Alice couldn't help but wonder what would happen now. She hugged Carmen. "We're here for you when you're ready. Don't forget that."

Carmen nodded, "Thanks." She took her bags from Helena and Lara and waved goodbye. "Thanks for everything."

Lara smiled and Helena nodded. "Anything for a friend."

Carmen turned, placed her bags in her car, and mustered up a smile. "I'll be okay. I just need some time."

The girls waved as Carmen drove away. Alice turned to the group of girls. "This is so f**ked up! We don't know where the hell Shane is, not to mention Bette."

Lara placed a hand on Alice's shoulder. "I'm sure they will turn up and everything will get worked out."

Helena and Jenny looked warily at each other, and then nodded towards Alice, "Yeah."

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Shane flipped open her phone as she got on the bus she had been waiting to board. She slowly walked to the back of the bus and sat down, placing her backpack on the seat beside her. Shane sighed as she saw all of the missed calls from her friends. She didn't want to face them. She just didn't know what to say. On the bus ride from Canada to Portland, Shane hadn't been able to think of anything other than what a failure she had become. All she could see was Gabriel and how this was the best thing for everyone involved. Not that she really knew what _this_ was. The only thing Shane knew for sure was that she couldn't go home.

Shane listened to message after message from Alice and Jenny getting more depressed with each moment that passed. One message remained from a number Shane did not recognize. She listened and then she knew.

"Hey, Shane. Harry wanted me to call you. Let you know that things have blown over and he'd like to hook up with you to talk business. Give me a call and I'll give you directions to his place."

Shane rolled her eyes. "Great, that's all I f**kin' need... Clive hooking me up with those jerks again." She turned her phone back off and flung it into her backpack, closed her eyes, and settled in for the long ride back to LA.

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Helena was the first to speak after a few moments of silence. "Okay, well, I need to start packing as well."

Jenny looked bewildered. "Why's that?"

Alice smirked. "Mommy cut her off."

Lara glared at Alice.

"What Alice meant to say is that mother wanted to teach me the value of a dollar." Helena remarked.

Jenny smiled. "Oh, okay. Where are you going to stay?"

Helena's face fell. "I'm actually not quite sure."

"Oh, well if you need a place to stay, you can crash here." Jenny said as she started to walk away.

"Jenny, I couldn't," Helena began.

"Yes, you can. There's plenty of room and I'm sure both missing tenants won't mind." Jenny waved her hand in the air. "Now, I have some writing to do... see you at The Planet tomorrow." Jenny glided across the lawn back to her house.

Helena looked at Alice, who was wearing a blank stare, "She's taking this awfully well."

Alice shook her head and shrugged. "That's Jenny, I guess." She nodded to her car. "I'll see you at The Planet in the morning." Helena nodded and Lara followed Alice to her car.

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Carmen sat in her car staring at her mother's house wondering how she was going to make it through life without her heart. "God, Shane!" She slammed her hands against the steering wheel. "Why can't you just f**kin' talk to me instead of always running away!?!" Carmen forcefully wiped the tears from her eyes trying to rid herself of the sadness that engulfed her. _'Ugh, I just want to stop drowning...'_

Carmen was jolted from her thoughts when someone knocked on her window. "Carmen, come on inside baby." Carmen opened the door, wrapped her arms around her mother, and cried.

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That night, both Shane and Carmen slept fitfully. Shane had nodded off with her head leaning against the window of the bus. She woke up a couple of times because of bumps in the road and a few others because of dreams of Carmen. Some of the dreams were memories of when times were good and some of the dreams were predictions of what the future would have brought them if Shane hadn't left. Each time she awoke, Shane slammed the heels of her hands into her eyes and tried to rid her of the feelings the dreams had brought with them.

Back in L.A., Carmen had sat on the couch and cried herself to sleep in her mother's arms. Mercedes' heart broke at the sight of her daughter and hoped that things would work themselves out. When Carmen's brother came home, he spoke quietly with his mother and then he carried Carmen down the hall to her old bedroom where he laid her gently on the bed. Carmen tossed and turned all night with dreams of Shane.

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Shane's bus stopped suddenly, forcing Shane to smash her face into the back of the seat in front of her effectively waking her from her slumber. She quickly grabbed her head and then rubbed at her face. "What the hell?" She looked out the window and sighed. There was a car accident to the left and traffic had slowed for the inevitable morbid curiosity of the passersby. _'I need a beer.'_ Shane thought as she continued to stare out of the window.

"Hey man," Shane turned her head to see a young man about her age pointing to the seat beside her backpack. "Do you mind?" Shane shook her head and the young man sat down. The young man nodded his head, "I'm Trey."

Shane nodded back clearly annoyed at the intrusion, "Shane."

"That's cool... not talkative." Trey shrugged, "I just needed to get away from my girl for a minute. She's up in the front."

Shane looked back out the window, _'I really need a beer now._'

Trey pulled a package from his jacket and nodded to Shane, "You want?"

Shane turned back around and saw Trey holding a bullet. She rubbed her forehead, "Um, no thanks man. I quit."

Trey shrugged, "That's cool. Do you mind?"

Shane shook her head, "Nah man, go ahead."

---------------

Meanwhile at The Planet, Alice sat at the gang's usual table and sipped her coffee bouncing her leg feverishly while she looked out the window. Kit and Lara were in the back working and she was very anxious to see the rest of the gang. She was going to explode if she didn't gossip soon!

The front door opened and Alice jumped out of her chair trying to get Jenny and Helena's attention. Helena stopped short of the door. "Why is Alice flailing her arms about?"

Jenny shrugged and laughed sarcastically. "I guess she's excited to see us." The two retrieved their coffees and made their way to the table. Alice waited no time in assaulting them.

"You two took your time in getting here!" Alice sat back down, but did not notice her friends roll their eyes as they sat down. "You just missed Bette and Tina!"

Helena held her coffee mug in midair and stared at Alice. Her eyebrows raised, "Excuse me?"

Jenny was bewildered as well, "Wait a minute, I thought..."

Alice cut in, "Well, apparently Bette couldn't get a hold of Tina, so she left a message on her voicemail, a note at the front desk, and messages with both of their lawyers. She was pretty upset when she found out Henry accused her of kidnapping her own child. Which, you know, she should be. Tina was pretty upset that Bette didn't wait for her, but then she was pretty upset at Henry too. And then Bette was upset with Tina for thinking she would ever do that to their child or her for that matter." Alice finally took a breath and a sip of her coffee.

"When did all this happen?" Jenny asked while she took a drink.

"Tina finally got a hold of Bette on her cell. I guess Bette wasn't getting any service for awhile. They hashed it out on the phone. Bette made it home this morning and Tina was waiting for her. And get this..."

"What?"

"Without Henry."

"You're kidding!"

"Nope, she and Bette had another long talk and decided to try to be friends again. Thank God, if you ask me."

Helena put her mug down, "What about Henry?"

"Tina said that they were going to still see each other, but that she wasn't going to let him dictate how to live her life. It sounded to me that what happened really put a cramp on things for the two of them. Granted, he can be a good guy sometimes, but he really needs to learn a thing or two about women."

Lara and Kit walked up and sat down for a moment. Lara placed her hand on Alice's. "Looks like you had a busy morning." Alice nodded.

Helena turned to Kit. "What have you been up to this morning?"

"Well, besides staying up half the night talking to my baby sis... I haven't been doing much of anything." Kit laughed. "I'm too old for this drama."

The gang laughed. Helena folded her hands in front of her and steeled herself for her next question, "Has anyone heard from Shane?"

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Shane sighed as Trey stumbled to the bathroom and she rummaged for her cell phone in her backpack, '_Amateur_.' She sat back again when she found her phone. She flipped it open, stared at the screen, rubbed her forehead, and then dialed.

"Hey man! I didn't think you'd call."

Shane looked out the window, "Yeah, me neither."

"Tough break about Canada."

Shane shook her head, "How the hell do you know about Canada?"

The voice on the other end snickered, "I have my sources."

Shane was losing her patience, "Clive..."

"Okay, okay... Cherie found out from someone she knows up there and well, you know how word travels around here."

Shane gritted her teeth. "Clive, listen to me, because I am only going to say this once. I want absolutely nothing to do with Cherie."

"Don't worry. That's not why I called."

Shane sighed. "Okay, why did you call? You said something about Harry and business?"

"Yeah, he wants you to come out and talk to him."

"I realize that. What about, Clive?"

"Oh, my bad, yeah, he wants to get you back into the game." Realizing how that sounded, Clive stuttered, "I mean with hair. With you doing hair. Harry has had a lot of people asking about you, so he wants to work something out."

Shane rubbed her eyes again, "I dunno man. Last time..."

Clive interrupted, "I know, I know. But it will be different this time. What have you got to lose?"

_'My sanity_,' Shane thought.

"Look, Shane. Harry wants to give you another chance. Where else do you have to be? Who else do you need to worry about but yourself? We've been friends a long time, right? We have had our differences, yeah, but we were with each other at our worst. There is no one else that knows you or knows how you feel like I do."

Shane thought back to the days when she first met Clive. He was such a lost boy and they had taken care of each other through the years. He was the one constant in her life until she met Bette. Shane shook her head and opened her mouth to say something, but Clive cut her off quickly.

"I know you feel like you're drowning and that no one can save you. That no one gives a lick about you. I know you feel so cold there ain't a blanket in the world that can make it go away. And I sure as hell know that memory will never get old." Clive took a deep breath. "Look, I know you think your friends are going to be there for you after you get over this, but we both know that ain't true. We've both been there before and it doesn't work like that. Just come over and hang out and if you don't like what Harry has to say, then you can go back to being miserable."

Shane opened her mouth, closed it, opened it, and then closed it again. Over the years, she and Clive didn't really have that many deep talks and she was a bit taken back by what Clive had to say. _'I guess I could give the guy a shot. He's got a point... it's not like I've got anything better to do._' Shane sighed. "Okay, Clive. Let me think about it."

"No problem... but Shane?"

"Yeah?"

"Harry doesn't really take no for an answer. Talk to you in a couple days."

Shane heard the phone disconnect and shook her head. _'Great, just great. I need a hit._' Shane was startled when Trey came out of the bathroom and waved as he started to walk back to his seat. Shane jumped out of her seat. "Hey man..." Trey turned around and Shane started to whisper, "Can I take you up on that offer?"

Trey smiled. "Hell, yeah." He passed a bullet to Shane and winked as he walked back to his seat.

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Alice remembered the last time Shane took off unexpectedly a couple years ago. It was after she had tried the latest drug and went ballistic. Shane had come to Bette's higher than a kite and went off on all her friends in a drug induced paranoia. After she had come down from her high, Shane left for a couple days. She had been so ashamed of what she had done and said to her friends, but she still called and left Alice a message that she would be back. Now, there was no message and Alice was beginning to think that she wasn't coming back. Alice shook her head and sighed. "No one's heard from her."

Helena furrowed her brows, "That's odd. Shane has always seemed to be very concerned about her friends. Don't you think she'd call?"

Jenny looked up from her notebook, "Well, she only disappeared two nights ago. Maybe we shouldn't be worried just yet."

Kit looked at Alice, who shook her head and spoke, "I don't know, Jen. She's disappeared for a couple days before, but she always let someone know what she was up to. She'll never admit it, but she's always been scared of what we think of her. I just have a really bad feeling about this."


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two**

**Disclaimer**: See Part One

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By the time Shane stepped off the bus, she was even more depressed and angry than when she had left Canada. The drugs hadn't helped any. _'F**k it._' She grabbed the bullet she still held and flung it into an alley near the bus station. Shane shook her head. _'I don't know why I even care.'_ She stuffed her hands in her pockets and kept walking. There were times when she traveled on autopilot, not knowing or caring where she ended up and after a couple of hours Shane looked up and peered through her hair. She chuckled bitterly when she saw the abandoned building. "Figures." She shuffled her feet and then walked towards the barrel of fire that everyone was standing around. The group of ragged and worn turned to look at the intruder. Shane gave a sideways smile and nodded, "Hey."

A tall man, who looked like the so-called leader of the group, nodded back. "Long time no see."

Shane set her backpack down. "Yeah."

The man's expression hadn't changed. "Hard to stay away, eh?"

Shane shrugged. "Tom… I"

Tom held up his hand. "Don't worry 'bout it."

The rest of the group nodded in response and Shane looked to her feet again. Everyone disbursed to give Shane some privacy. She bent down and grabbed her backpack. Pulling her wallet out of her bag, she closed her eyes. "I'm done being someone I'm not." She opened her wallet, then her eyes, and looked at the two pictures inside. The first picture was of Carmen and her lying on the couch at Jenny's. She didn't remember when the picture had been taken, but she did remember having Jenny give her a copy. Carmen's smile was so big and beautiful. It was one of their more blissful moments. The second picture was of the whole gang. She remembered that Chase had taken it at the opening of Wax. At the time, she had felt that she finally made it and she was so happy to have her family take part. Now she knew that she had just been lying to herself. She didn't deserve any of it.

Taking the money and leaving the pictures, Shane blinked the tears from her eyes. She sighed and threw the wallet into the fire. She watched the pictures burn, watched her family fade away. When the last of the pictures had turned to ash, Shane grabbed her backpack again and pulled out her cell phone, clothes, and cigarettes. She placed them on the ground, steeled her resolve, and dumped the rest of the contents of her bag into the fire. She kneeled on the ground and stuffed her clothes and cigarettes back inside her bag. Gripping her cell phone tight, Shane stood. She took a deep breath as she stared at her burning belongings and then pursed her lips. As each moment passed, she grew even angrier. She was angry at herself, at Gabriel, and at every person that had ever given her a chance. Shaking her head and gripping the cell phone even tighter, Shane stomped her foot and then pitched the phone into the fire.

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Mercedes knocked on her youngest daughter's door. "Carmen, mija... why don't you come down for lunch?"

Carmen grunted and shoved her head under her pillow. "I'll be down for dinner, Mama!"

Carmen had been cooped up in her room for the last week, refusing to be in contact with anyone. Mercedes was pleased to finally get her daughter to relent to at least one meal, so she let her be for now.

Carmen, on the other hand, was still fighting the internal battle that had begun in the middle of the night. She awoke at three in the morning and hadn't been able to sleep since. Carmen was struggling between the part of her that missed, loved, and needed Shane, and the part of her that wanted to move on with her life because she knew that it was over. Carmen knew that Shane didn't want to hurt her and that's why she didn't show up. As much as she didn't want to believe that it was over, she had known that night. Shane was too scared and too stubborn.

Carmen was startled out of her thoughts by her cell phone beeping. She grabbed it off her night stand. It was a text message from Bette letting her know that she was thinking of her. Carmen sighed. All of her friends were being so supportive. She had always thought if things were to go south with Shane, that she would lose the friends she had come to call family. Thankfully, that didn't turn out to be the case.

"That's it!" Carmen hopped out of bed and stood in front of her mirror. "No more of this feeling sorry for yourself. S**t, Carmen. You've got an amazing family and group of friends. You're going to get through this. Just focus on them and work and you'll be fine."

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Shane had stayed with Tom and the rest of his crew in the abandoned building for the past week. She spent those days sitting against a wall with her arms around her legs smoking. Tom would check in on her once a day, but she hadn't moved. She had retreated so far inside herself that she refused to acknowledge a soul.

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Carmen walked into The Planet and straight to Kit's office. She would start working again tonight and hopefully, she would be too tired when she got home to think of Shane.

Kit looked up from her desk. "Hey, baby girl!" She got up and gave Carmen a hug.

Carmen smiled. "I'm ready to start working again."

"Are you sure? Well of course you're sure. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. That's excellent news, girl!" Kit went back to her desk and picked up a book, "Let's take a look at the schedule."

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The gang was at their usual table hanging out. Bette and Tina were fussing over Angelica, Jenny was writing in her notebook, Helena was looking at classifieds, and Alice was reading a magazine. From an outsider's point of view, it would look like old times, but things aren't always as they seem.

Alice looked up from her magazine. "Okay, she's not coming over here. It looks like she's going into Kit's office."

Tina bounced Angelica on her knee. "I'm glad to see that she's out of her house."

Jenny stopped writing. "Yeah that is a good sign." She placed her hand to her lips, "Do you think she's heard from Shane?"

Alice shook her head. "Probably not."

Bette sighed. "Speaking of Shane, what are we going to do? She's been, well for the lack of a better word, missing for the past eight days."

Alice slammed her fist on the table. "This is ridiculous! She's got to come back home! Why hasn't she called? She knows that we're here for her."

Bette kissed Angelica on the forehead. "I'm afraid that may be what she is questioning."

Alice sighed. "Well, that's stupid. She should know that we are her family and will always be here for her."

Tina looked up from attending to Angelica. "You know Shane's got abandonment issues. Leave them before they leave you. As much as we are a family, it's very hard to get that way of thinking out of your system."

Alice shook her head, "I know, I know. Bette's right. We need to do something. This has gone on far too long. She's coming back, whether or not I have to drag her here myself."

Helena took a sip of her coffee. "We can start calling all of the hospitals and police stations between here and Canada."

Jenny covered her eyes with her hands, "That could take forever. She could be anywhere."

"Helena's right. We need to start somewhere. Tina and I will start with the police stations. Alice and Lara can start with the hospitals. Helena, you can start by trying to find Carla and seeing if she's seen Shane. Jenny, you can start by calling all of Shane's friends." Bette pinched the bridge of her nose. "I know Shane can take care of herself, but I'm really worried about her. She has never cut us off like this before."

Alice looked up from her coffee and slightly panicked as she saw Carmen walking toward their table, "Oh my God, Carmen!" She got up from her chair and engulfed Carmen in a long embrace. "It's so good to see you."

Carmen hugged her friend back. "It's good to see you too." She opened her arms to the rest of the gang as they rushed to her as well. "It's good to see all of you."

Jenny was the last to hug her. "So, how have you been? Wait, that's a stupid question." She waved the question off as she let go of Carmen.

"I'm doing okay." Everyone raised their eyebrows in disbelief. "Really." Everyone sat back down, but Carmen remained standing. "So, I'll be the DJ tonight."

Bette looked into Carmen's eyes and saw that some of her spark was gone. She could tell that she was only pretending to be okay. "That's great, Carmen." She replied.

"Thanks." Carmen sat down. "I'm looking forward to getting things back to normal." She looked down at her hands. "Well, you know what I mean."

The gang exchanged looks with each other. "Yeah."

Carmen looked back up and tried to be upbeat. "So, how are things? What have I missed?"

Alice cleared her throat. "Um, nothing really. Just the same ol'. Bette and Tina are going to be friends again. Me and Lara are together. Jenny broke up with Max." Alice looked pleadingly around the table for help. "Um, Helena is crashing with Jenny until she can find a place." At Carmen's confused look, Alice continued. "Peggy cut her off."

Carmen nodded.

"Other than that, nothing really exciting has been going on." Alice finished.

Carmen fidgeted with her bracelet. "So, how's Shane?"

Everyone at the table looked to Bette and she responded, "Actually, we haven't heard from her yet."

Carmen looked down at the table, saddened by the answer she received. _'I guess that's it then_.' She snapped her head back up, "Wait a minute... none of you have heard from her?" The gang shook their heads. "That's not like her. She could be..."

Bette pulled Carmen into another embrace, "It'll be okay, Carmen. She takes off every once in a while. There's nothing to worry about." Everyone, including Bette, cringed at her last remark.

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"So, she's in here?"

"Yeah bud, when do I get my money?"

"As soon as we get her to the car."

Tom pointed to the far corner and Clive smiled as he pulled out a syringe from the bag he carried.

Shane's eyes burst open as the needle made contact with her skin. "Huh?" She looked at Clive with blurry vision and then passed out.

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"Well, I need to get going if I'm going to get my errands run before my mother's dinner," Carmen spoke as she got up from her chair. "It was really great seeing you guys."

"It was great to see you too!" The gang exclaimed overenthusiastically.

Carmen furrowed her brow slightly. "Um, okay, well I'll see you tonight?"

"Of course," Bette replied.

Once Carmen was out the door, Alice slammed her head on the table. "That was close."

Kit dropped a phone book on the table. "This one is for this area. Angus just picked up the other ones. He should be pulling up now."

Alice grabbed the book and ripped out her section of the phone book. "Well, I'm off. I'll catch Angus on my way out. See you guys tonight. And good luck."

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Shane awoke to the sounds of dripping. Her arms were bound at the top of her head and she couldn't move her legs either. She opened her eyes and tried to focus on her surroundings. She blinked quickly as she looked around the room to find that she was in a basement hanging from the ceiling. She saw Clive sitting about three feet from her. He was holding a bloody rock in his hands. Shane looked down at her feet and realized that the sound that had awakened her was coming from blood. But Shane was confused, where was she bleeding? And why was her mouth so dry? The last thing she remembered was… "What the hell?"

Clive stood and bounced the rock in his hand, "Sorry bout that, but Harry wanted you awake."

Shane furrowed her brows and winced. '_Okay, that's where the blood is coming from_.' "What the hell is going on, Clive?"

Clive shrugged. "You should have married her, Shane."

'_What does this have to do with Carmen?_' Shane started to squirm against the pain. "You better not go near her!"

The door opened and Harry walked down the stairs. "Hush now, Shane. We're not going to touch a hair on her pretty Latin head. This has everything to do with you and your escapades."

"Huh? Who's we?"

Harry nodded to a man that was standing in the shadows. He towered over the back of Shane and kidney punched her. She wheezed a couple times. Harry stood in front of her and took off his jacket. "That's better… You know, my associates and I were happy to hear that you were in a committed relationship and headed to the altar. Finally, someone had gotten the elusive McCutcheon to settle down. We would stop having to deal with your messes." Harry spread his arms wide and took a deep breath. "The community was at peace again."

"What the f**k are you talking about?"

The man in the shadows picked up a sledge hammer and rolled his neck around until Shane could hear it pop. Shane's eyes grew wide and she tried to squirm as she saw him step in front of her and wind up for the pitch. Shane couldn't focus once the hammer hit her square in the chest. She tried to scream, but all that came out was a hacking sort of cough.

Harry shook his head. "Do you remember a crazy blonde chick that you f**ked a couple years ago?" Before Shane could answer, Harry continued. "Oh that's right, there were so many of them, how could you remember? This one stalked you… ring any bells?"

Shane's eyes registered acknowledgement. "Lacey?"

Harry nodded. "We were able to get her to calm down after that. She was actually doing really well until you ran away from your wedding. You know, she was pretty wrapped up into you and she didn't want anyone else to get hurt like she did. She was actually happy that you had found the one person that you wanted to torment for the rest of your life. You know, I hate getting involved in dyke drama, but Lacey was the daughter of one of my associates and I owe him a favor." Harry cracked his knuckles and then patted Shane's cheek. "We can't have you screwing up our harmony anymore. Please, for the sake of all of us, learn your f**kin' lesson this time." Harry turned and walked back up the stairs. "Or else." He nodded to Clive and then shut the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part Three**

**Disclaimer**: See Part One

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Alice held the land-line phone on one ear and her cell phone on the other, switching back and forth between receptionists. "What? Yes. Oh, hang on." She turned to Lara and whispered, "Any luck yet?" Lara shook her head and Alice grumbled. "What? No, that wasn't towards you. No, don't hang…" Alice heard the phones disconnect and looked at them in her hands, "Up. Ugh, you would think they had never talked to a woman on a mission before!"

Lara hung up her phone. "I'm sure they have, but maybe they just haven't talked to Alice on a mission before." Lara winked. "Why don't we try one phone at a time? I'm sure things would go smoother that way."

--------------------

"Oh, thank you, Carla. Yes, I will phone you as soon as we hear something." Helena stopped pacing and breathed a sigh of relief.

Jenny looked up from her list of numbers, "Is she there?"

Helena sat down across from Jenny at the table, "No, but she did ride the bus to Portland with Carla. Carla said that she saw Shane get on the bus to LA. " She looked at the calendar, "That was, oh dear, seven days ago."

-----------------------

Tina bounced Angelica on her hip as she opened the door. "Oh, hey guys. Is it that late already?"

Alice mumbled, "Yeah, time flies when you're getting nowhere."

Lara nudged Alice inside. "So, any luck with you guys?"

Tina smiled. "Actually, Helena said that she's got some news."

Alice's eyes brightened as she looked around the room. "She does? Where is she?"

Bette walked in from outside. "Everyone's out here. Come on, we'll get started."

Helena spoke up. "Who else has news?"

Alice shook her head. "So far, no hospital we've tried has seen her."

Bette responded, "All the police stations we've tried haven't either. They said they'd keep an eye out."

Jenny sighed. "None of her friends have seen or heard from her either. Chase said that he'd keep an eye and ear out for her and let us know."

Helena set her glass down and spoke. "I got a hold of Carla and she said she saw Shane get on the bus to LA."

Alice perked up, "So she has to be in the vicinity."

Helena nodded. "I can't be quite sure. I spoke to the bus line and there are eighteen stops between Portland and Los Angeles. Not to mention that it has been approximately five days since she arrived. Shane could be anywhere."

"True, but now we can change our approach. Start with LA and then branch out with the search. If we don't find anything out in LA, we can get the schedule of stops on that line and check those next. This is great news!" Alice exclaimed. She grabbed the stacks of torn out phone book pages and begun to divvy up the remaining Los Angeles County area hospitals and police stations.

There was a knock on the fence. "Hey guys, shouldn't you be heading over to The Planet?"

Jenny jumped up as she saw Howie come in and pick Angelica up. "S**t, we need to get going!"

Bette patted Howie on the back. "Thanks for watching her tonight."

Howie smiled. "No problem."

Everyone started to collect their things and move into the house, except Alice. "I'm going to hang out here and start making these phone calls."

The girls stopped at the door and turned around. Bette was the first to speak. "The f**k you are."

Alice was stunned. "What? We need to find her."

Bette began to lose her temper and spoke in an eerily hushed tone. "What we need to do is support another member of our family. Shane was the one that took off with no regard to any of us! Those places will be there when we get back." Tina placed a hand on Bette's shoulder and it seemed to calm her a little. Bette sighed and dropped her hands to her sides. "I'm sorry, this is just, you know." She shook her head. "We still need to be there for Carmen."

Alice got up from where she was sitting. "You're right. We probably need a break anyway."

---------------------

Carmen held her headphone and moved the slider on her board to change the song. She bobbed her head and smiled. '_This is what I needed._' She closed her eyes and felt the beat overcome her. She got lost in the music and everything was better.

"Hey girl," Kit began but then stopped when she saw that Carmen looked like she was having a good time. She walked back over to the counter just as the girls showed up. She smiled and nodded toward Carmen. "Look at our baby girl up there." The girls smiled and headed to their usual table with Kit following behind with drinks. "She's past due on her break. I'll go let her know that you guys are here."

The girls took their drinks and Jenny looked at Carmen again. "She looks really good."

"Yeah, she does." Alice said as she took a sip of her drink.

Carmen walked up to the table with a beer and sat down smiling really big. "Hey guys! I'm so glad you could make it!"

Helena smiled. "We wouldn't have missed it for the world."

"D**n straight!" Alice remarked.

The girls laughed and Carmen asked, "Where's Angelica?"

"Oh, Howie came over. He's been very eager to remain close to all of us." Tina responded.

Carmen smiled. "That's really sweet."

Bette set down her glass and stared at Carmen. "Talk to us, Carmen."

Carmen shifted in her seat and set down her beer. "I'm doing fine." Bette lifted her eyebrows. "Okay, I'm doing better than I have been doing. How's that?"

"We just want you to know that we're still your family and that we're here for you."

Carmen looked at her hands. "I know and I really appreciate it." She sighed. "It's been a really rough week and I really miss Shane and I'm angry that she just gave up like that. But I'm also angry at myself for believing that I really was going to marry her." Carmen looked at the girls and shrugged. "I don't know what else to do but try to move on. I'm just so tired and I feel that I don't have any more tears left. So that's what I'm going to do, I'll find a way."

Bette placed her hands over Carmen's fiddling ones. "We understand." Jenny placed her hands on top of the pile and then Alice, Tina, Lara, and Helena followed suit. Bette looked around the table and smiled. "It'll be okay, you've got us."

Carmen winked. "Go team!" The girls laughed and Carmen squeezed their hands. "No, but really, thank you. You guys are the best. Well, I need to get back up there. I'll see you in a bit. Have fun!" Carmen smiled as she felt the warmth return to her heart. This was definitely what she had needed.

The girls smiled and spent the rest of the evening like most nights at The Planet. It was like old times. For the moment, the only worry that occupied their minds was where the waiter was with their drinks.

---------------

A black SUV screeched to a halt outside the emergency area of a hospital. Clive turned around from the driver's seat. "Get out!" Shane didn't move, she just wheezed. "D**n it, Shane!" Clive nodded to the man from the shadows earlier and he pushed her out the door. Before Clive took off, he yelled, "Remember what Harry said!"

The car speeded away as an ambulance pulled up to the doors. They rushed their gurney to the doors and noticed a broken body lying crumpled on the sidewalk. One of the paramedics stayed with their patient and the other stayed with the woman on the sidewalk. He looked for identification as Shane opened her eyes and tried to read the paramedic's nametag. She tried to speak to Lee, but could only cough instead. Lee ran back to the ambulance and got his bag. He checked her vitals and rushed inside. "Dr. Martin, we've got an emergency out here. There's a badly beaten woman out front. No ID."

Lee and Dr. Martin ran outside with a gurney and Dr. Martin gasped. She bent down and heard the hacking cough. And then she saw Shane coughing up blood. She listened to her chest, tapped a few times, and immediately stood. "Get her inside. Now."

Lee's partner had come to join them outside and helped Lee transport Shane to the gurney. Lee rushed her inside with Dr. Martin on his heels.

As soon as Dr. Martin was inside, a couple of nurses ran up to her and started pushing the gurney into the emergency room. She shouted, "Jane Doe needs chest X-ray and CT scan. Prep for possible pneumothorax." She turned to Lee and spoke as she walked backwards through the closing doors. "Call the police."

--------------

Carmen waved to the girls and walked to her car. _'It was a good night_.' She had fun and it looked like they all had fun too. As much as they were worried about her, she had been worried about how the situation was affecting them. "I'm glad they're doing alright." She pulled out of The Planet's parking lot happier than she had been all week. She sighed and then smiled. _'I'll be able to sleep tonight._'

-------------

"Dr. Martin! The intubation isn't working! She's not getting enough oxygen and her blood pressure is dropping!"

Dr. Martin dropped the x-rays she was holding and saw that her patient's skin was beginning to have a bluish tint to it. "S**t, tension pneumo. We've got to remove that air under pressure!" Dr. Martin grabbed a needle and attached it to a syringe. She pushed the needle into the chest cavity and began to decompress.

"Her pulse has elevated!"

Dr. Martin looked at the CT scan again and noticed trauma to the kidneys. "D**n it! She's hemorrhaging. We need to get her into surgery." Dr. Martin began to wheel Shane's gurney into the hallway.

"Excuse me, Dr. Martin?"

Dr. Martin stopped and saw two police officers waiting for her. She turned to the gurney and motioned for her team to continue without her. "What do you need?"

The police officer opened his notepad. "We spoke with the paramedic, Lee, and he let us know what happened. Can you let us know the extent of her injuries and when we can see her?"

Dr. Martin anxiously looked down the hall and motioned for the officers to follow her. "She's headed to surgery now, so you won't be able to see her for a while. She's got a fractured sternum and multiple broken ribs that punctured her lungs and caused them to collapse. She also has Grade III kidney trauma that has caused her to hemorrhage. She has multiple contusions and has also suffered severe head trauma. I really need to get over there."

"We understand. Please let us know when we can speak with her."

"Of course," Dr. Martin replied as she rushed further down the hall.

---------------------

The next day, Dr. Martin showed the police officers to Shane's bed in ICU. "Just a few minutes, she is still in critical condition."

The police officers nodded and turned toward Shane. "Good afternoon. We need to ask you some questions."

Shane nodded in response.

"What is your name?"

Shane furrowed her brow. _'Like I'm going to tell you_.' She managed to croak, "I dunno."

The police officers looked at each other. "Okay, do you know what happened to you?"

Shane shook her head.

One of the officers laid a card on her bed. "Please call if you can remember anything."

Shane nodded again as she watched the officers leave. She held her head and touched the stitches on the side of her head. She was in so much pain. _'Who says I want to?_' She pressed her morphine drip and went back to sleep.

------------------

"I understand that officer. No, I do not want to file a missing person's report at this time. Thank you." Helena hung up the phone and looked toward the couch where Jenny was sitting cross-legged talking on her cell phone and crossing off another hospital on her list.

Jenny looked to Helena, who was sitting at the kitchen table, and shook her head.

Helena looked down at her list and sighed. "I don't know if not finding Shane at the hospital or police station is a good thing or a bad thing."

Jenny nodded. "I know what you mean."

----------------

Alice rubbed her forehead in frustration. "No, thank you for your help." She hung up her phone, crumpled up her list, and threw it across the room. "This is ridiculous." Alice rose from her chair and walked over to Lara's list. "I might as well call these since she's at work." Alice sat back down in her chair with another exasperated sigh. She dialed the first number on the list.

"Wilshire Community Police, how may I direct your call?"

"Hi, I am looking for someone…" The woman on the other end transferred the phone call before Alice could finish her sentence.

"Missing persons, do you wish to file a report?

Alice took a deep breath and prepared to repeat the answers to all of the officer's questions before he asked them. "No, I'm looking for Shane McCutcheon, a Caucasian woman about five foot eight and thirty years old. Distinguishing marks include a bird tattoo on the left arm, a violin tattoo on the lower back…"

"Hold on a second. What is it you want me to do with this information if you don't want to file a report?" The officer impatiently replied.

Alice closed her eyes. "Check your files, your detectives, your records… anything really at this point. I just need to know if she's there."

"Miss…"

Alice begged, "Please, just look." Alice heard the officer put down the phone and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'll be damned…" She heard the officer mumble. He came back on the line. "Miss, we have a Jane Doe that fits that description at the Cedars-Sinai ICU."

"Okay, thanks for trying." Alice's eyes burst open. "Wait, what? You know someone that matches that description at Cedars?"

"Yes. A Jane Doe."

Alice panicked. "What happened? Why don't you know her name?"

"She was dropped off at the hospital in an unlicensed vehicle. She had been badly beaten and seems to have amnesia. There is an officer standing guard at her room. When will you be able to come and provide identification?"

Alice took a deep breath. "Um, I can be at Cedars in about an hour."

"That's fine. We will be waiting for you in the hospital lobby and will escort you to her room. See you in an hour."

Alice hung up her phone and leaned her head on her forearms. "Oh God…"

----------------

Bette paced from her living room to her kitchen. Carmen had just dropped off some of Shane's things that she had found in one of her bags. _'Hmm, she didn't look upset_.' Bette was startled from her thoughts of the once lovebirds by her phone ringing. "Hey…" She paused to listen. "You've got to be kidding, I thought you called them yesterday... What kind of f**king retards do they have working there?" Bette looked down at the box that Carmen had left and noticed Shane's passport. "Actually, yeah, I do… I'll meet you there." Bette disconnected the call and then dialed Carmen's number. "Hey Carmen, I hate to do this since you just left, but can you watch Angelica?"

----------------

Jenny got up from the couch and placed her list on the kitchen table as she walked to the sink. She rinsed her glass out, placed it on the counter, and turned toward Helena. "I need a break. I'm going to see if Bette has gotten anywhere." Helena nodded as she listened to the person on the other end of the line.

Jenny walked out the back door and through the fence to Bette's backyard. She opened the back door and walked into the kitchen. "Hey Bette, any luck with your list?" Jenny stopped suddenly and placed her hands over her mouth when she saw Carmen looking at her quizzically from a chair in the living room. She finally recovered and exclaimed, "Oh, hi, what are you doing here?"

Carmen slightly squint her eyes. "Bette asked me to watch Angelica. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, looking for Bette. Where is she?" Jenny said as she walked further into the living room.

Carmen had noticed that her friends were acting weird lately and she hadn't given it thought because of everything that had happened. But now, she was second guessing herself. "She said she had an emergency art meeting, whatever that means." Carmen shrugged. "What the f**k is going on Jenny? I feel like I'm being left in the dark about something."

Jenny sighed and sat down on the couch. "We haven't wanted to worry you. You have enough to deal with right now and you don't need us adding to that."

Carmen shook her head. "What I need right now is to not be lied to anymore."

Jenny looked to the floor, "You're right. We should have let you know what was going on." Jenny looked up into Carmen's eyes, "According to Bette and Alice, there has never been a time that Shane has taken off and not let anyone know where she was."

'_This is not happening._' Carmen rubbed her neck. "No one has heard from her still?"

Jenny nodded. "We've called all of her friends and nothing. Carla helped us out though and told us that she got on the bus to LA. So, we've been calling all of the area hospitals and police stations."

Carmen jerked her head quickly toward Jenny. "What? You think something happened?"

Jenny placed her hand on Carmen's knee. "We don't know what to think. I'm sure everything is okay but Bette and Alice think that we need to at least check and see if anyone matching her description has been seen, treated, or picked up."

Carmen closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "You know, Shane's not missing; she just doesn't want to be found."

Jenny frowned. "You may be right. Can I ask you something?"

Carmen shrugged. "Sure."

Jenny placed her hands in her lap. "Don't you want to make sure she's okay? Don't you want to talk to her, find out what happened, and try to work through this?"

Carmen looked directly into Jenny's eyes, "Of course I want to make sure she's okay. I love her; that hasn't changed." Carmen shook her head and tried to blink away her tears. "I already know what happened; it's up to her to make the first move if she wants to have anything to do with me."

Jenny nodded. "What if she does come back and wants to have something to do with you?"

The tears were flowing freely now. "I don't know. I just don't know, Jen. There's so much to think about if that happens…" Carmen shook her head and waved her hands in the air vigorously. "I can't worry about it until it does. Why get my hopes up when they'll just get crushed again?"

Jenny moved to Carmen and hugged her tightly. "You're having a harder time than you're letting on, aren't you?"

Carmen nodded as she buried her head into Jenny's shoulder and cried harder.

Jenny ran her fingers through Carmen's hair. "It's going to be okay. You'll figure out what you want and then you'll follow through. You're strong like that. One of the strongest people I know."


	4. Chapter 4

**Part Four**

**Disclaimer:** See Part One

---------------

Bette pulled into a spot next to Alice's Mini Cooper and shut off the engine. She saw Alice get out of her car and she followed suit. She handed Alice the passport and continued to walk briskly toward the hospital entrance.

"So, where'd you get this?" Alice inquired.

Bette sighed. "Carmen brought it over today; said that I should hold onto it if Shane ever came back."

Alice stopped suddenly and stared at Bette. "So, it's really over then, huh?"

Bette turned to look at Alice. "I would assume so by her resolve when she came over."

They continued walking in silence until they reached the hospital entrance. "This is so f**ked up. Both of them are too f**kin' stubborn." Alice remarked as she opened the door.

Bette walked into the lobby with Alice following closely behind her. "Well, what do you expect from Carmen? Shane left her, she left no word, as far as Carmen knows, Shane may never come back."

Alice pointed toward the officer at the elevator. "Yeah, but what if Shane does come back? Shouldn't she get a second chance?"

Bette followed Alice to the elevator and shrugged. "I don't know. I would like to think that love conquers all, but… I don't know anymore. Should Carmen wait for Shane to make up her mind what she wants? I don't think that's fair." Bette nodded to the officer and whispered to Alice, "We'll see."

"Hello, I'm Detective Oliver." The detective shook both Bette and Alice's hands while they introduced themselves. "Follow me."

Bette and Alice followed the detective into the elevator and Bette broke the silence. "Detective, what exactly happened?"

Detective Oliver explained what they knew as far as Shane's injuries. "As far as how the Jane Doe got injured, we're still not sure. All we know right now is that the drug found in her system was a very strong horse tranquilizer. We haven't seen this particular tranq used in a couple of years. The case was very similar and we are looking into it to see if it has anything to do with this case. Other than that, we are running a partial plate we got off the vehicle from a security camera." The detective shrugged. "That's all we know right now. The Jane Doe hasn't been able to tell us anything. Hopefully, if you guys can ID her, she can start remembering."

Bette looked at Alice wringing her hands and shuffling her feet. She mumbled, "Yeah, hopefully."

----------------

Carmen awoke to Jenny stroking her hair while she lay on the couch. "Oh Jen, I'm so sorry." She said as she quickly sat up.

Jenny waved her hand in front of her. "Don't worry about it. That's why I'm here." She smiled as Carmen gave her a hug.

Carmen rubbed her face with her hands. "Well, thank you then. Do you mind hanging with Angelica for a bit? I need to get some air."

"Of course. See you later." Jenny waved.

Carmen was halfway out the door when she said, "Yeah."

----------------

Shane was lying in her bed staring at the ceiling humming. _'I know I know I failed you… I hope I hope we get to sunny days again… The mystery is gone, so bring back the sun… Bury this hate and build it with love…_' She heard the music clearly in her head. _'What song is that from?_' She closed her eyes and mumbled, "Doesn't matter." She tried to shift but was in too much pain. _'Not much good it'll do me anyways. Carmen wouldn't take me back._'

-----------------

After speaking with the doctor, Bette and Alice were led to Shane's room. They gasped when they saw Shane lying limp beneath a mound of blankets in her hospital bed. They noticed all of the tubes first, then all of the monitors, and then the bandage on her forehead. The once talkative Alice was speechless as she held out the passport to the detective.

Bette turned from the window and looked at the detective. "That's her."

"Do you have any idea who could have done this to her? Does she have any enemies?"

Bette shook her head. "I don't know."

"Think about it. The beating was so brutal that it could have been someone she knows." The detective motioned for the officer standing guard to follow him. "Take your time. We'll be over here filling out paperwork."

Bette nodded and turned back around placing a hand on Alice's shoulder. "That's her." Bette was pulled from her astonishment by the sound of Alice opening the door to Shane's room and followed her inside.

"She looks so pale." Alice whispered as she pinched the skin on Shane's arm.

Shane opened her eyes, but wanted to close them as soon as she had. "Hey, Al… Bette."

Bette furrowed her brow. "They said you had amnesia."

Shane frowned. "That was the plan. How did you find me?"

"We were looking for you, jackass." Alice responded.

Shane scowled. "What if I didn't want to be found?"

Alice pursed her lips. "We were worried about you." She threw her hand in the air. "With good reason apparently!"

Bette took Shane's hand in her own. "If you didn't want to be found, you wouldn't have come back to LA." Bette tilted her head. "It was only a matter of time, Shane. We love you. You should know that by now. We are always here for you."

Alice mumbled, "Yeah, no matter what stupid s**t you do."

Shane shook her head. "Yeah? You still gonna be there when this f**kin' heartache ends?" She pointed to her chest. "When this f**kin' mess is over?"

Bette and Alice responded at the same time. "Of course."

"Hey, it'll be alright, Shane." Alice said as she patted Shane on her arm.

"How do you know?!" Shane shook her hand away from Alice's grasp, unable to control her emotions after the hell she had gone through. Her eyes filled with tears as she continued, "How do you know it's going to be okay when I can't even figure out what'll make me whole? My heart is in more than two pieces and they're all in doubt of each other right now. I can't hold this s**t down anymore. It's taken over. How f**ked up is that? I just want to disappear. I'm not this person you guys used to know." Shane was mad that she couldn't walk away and she gritted her teeth. "So tell me again that it's alright, that you'll be here."

Alice lifted her hand to her heart. "D**n it, Shane! We love you! No matter what! Why can't you f**kin' see that? We're your family! And you know what; you're not this failure you seem to think you are. So what if you've made some mistakes in your life? We all do. Stop f**king dwelling on them and move on!" Alice took a deep breath. "God! You almost f**king died, Shane! Why don't you try giving a s**t about yourself for once in your life?" Alice sat down in the chair next to Shane's bed and wiped the tears from her eyes.

Shane was stunned at Alice's outburst, the love that poured from her eyes. _'I don't know who to f**king believe. Clive said… wait, I'm in here because of him. He just said that to get me to doubt my friends, to get me over there. F**k him.'_ Shane sighed. She squeezed Bette's hand and reached for Alice's. "I'm sorry. I should have called and I should have known that you guys would still be here."

Bette smiled. "Hey, it's okay. We'll get you through. It's time you stopped running."

Shane acquiesced and looked toward Alice. "So, tell me what I've missed."

Alice ran through the list of things that had gone on since Shane had been gone. Shane nodded slowly to each new piece of information as she tried in vain to keep her eyes open. Alice didn't notice and continued with her gossip. "Oh and Carmen has been asking about you."

Shane's eyes burst open and she quickly shook her head back and forth. "She can't know I'm here."

Alice was confused. "Why not? You still love her, don't you?"

Shane squeezed her eyes shut. "Yes, but I don't want to hurt her anymore than I already have. If she asks again, just tell her I'm skiing in Tahoe or surfing in Baja. Tell her I'm happy and I've moved on. Tell her that I'm looking better than you've ever seen. Tell her… tell her..." Shane angrily wiped the tears from her eyes and her voice went up an octave. "Look, I don't care what you tell her; just tell her something… that I'm anywhere but here."

"Shane…" Bette began.

"No, it's better that way. I don't need to f**k things up even more." Shane interrupted. _'I can't face her.'_

"Don't you think Carmen should…?" Alice began.

Shane interrupted again. "Please?"

Alice nodded as Bette responded. "Fine, for now."

-------------------

Carmen sat on Bette's back porch with her feet dangling over the side of the pool. The inner struggle had returned. 'Shut up, Carmen! It's not worth all of this heartache anymore. Just let it go and move on. If she comes back, give her the riot act.'

Carmen rubbed her eyes. _'But I still love her. Doesn't that mean anything? Well yeah, but she left you at the altar. Doesn't that mean something? There's nothing you can do. She's lost._' Carmen shook her head. The constant battle she was having with herself was beginning to get old, but she was so confused.

'_No, she can't be. I have to try. We are meant to be together and I want to be with her, take care of her, and love her. Like she did you?_' Carmen held her head. "Ugh, I hate this! Why can't I make up my d**n mind?"

"Hey, Carmen, I've got to head to work." Jenny said as she opened the back door.

Carmen turned her head and nodded. "See you later, Jen."

Jenny waved as she left and Carmen got up to check on Angelica.

----------------

Shane had fallen asleep while watching TV, but Bette and Alice decided to hang around a bit longer. They had stopped talking after the mention of Carmen and remained silent while watching the television.

Bette sighed as she looked at Shane for the millionth time since walking through the hospital room door. "Can you think of anyone that would do this to her?"

Alice shook her head. "I dunno. There's so much that we don't know about her life. The only people that I can think of right now are that Jaffe chick and her husband."

Bette nodded. "I thought of that too. I think I'll go talk to her; see what she has to say first."

"Good call. Those types won't talk to cops."

Bette touched Shane's shoulder and shook it gently. "Shane, I need to ask you some questions?"

Shane opened her eyes slowly and pointed to the cup of water sitting on her tray. Bette held the cup and straw in front of Shane's mouth as she sipped. Shane finished and Bette placed the cup back on the tray.

"So, when do I get outta here?" Shane asked.

Alice smiled. "Doc said a week or two."

Shane frowned and began to open her mouth to say something, but Bette interrupted her, "Shane, do you remember what happened? Do you know who did this to you?"

Shane looked everywhere but at Bette and Alice. "I don't want to talk about it."

Bette squeezed Shane's shoulder. "We're going to need to talk about it sometime. The police are conducting an investigation and they need your help."

Shane finally looked Bette in her eyes and replied, "Can it wait until I get out of here? I really don't feel up to it."

Bette nodded. "That's fine. I'll just tell them you still don't remember anything. We will revisit this discussion when we get you settled in my guest room."

Shane began to protest but Bette held up her hand. "Just think of it this way, Shane. I'd like the company."

Shane nodded. "Okay."

------------------

Carmen was standing in the kitchen holding Angelica when she heard the front door open. She walked into the living room and bounced Angelica on her hip. "How'd it go?"

Bette turned around from hanging up her blazer and stared quizzically at Carmen. "Hmm?"

"The emergency art thing…"

Bette quickly placed her hand to her forehead. "Oh, right. It was fine."

Carmen sighed and handed Angelica over to her mother. "Bette, are you okay? You look a little distracted."

Bette shook her head. "No, I'm fine. I'm just sorry I kept you so long."

Carmen waved her hands in front of her. "You don't have to worry about that. You know I love this baby girl." Carmen smiled as she pinched Angelica's cheeks. She then looked into Bette's tired eyes. "I spoke with Jenny today."

Bette looked up to see Carmen staring at her with a determined glare. She spoke nonchalantly, "Oh, what did she have to say?"

Carmen crossed her arms and replied, "She told me what you guys have been up to. Please don't keep things from me."

Bette sighed and placed Angelica on the floor. She sat down on the couch and motioned for Carmen to join her. "I assume that Jenny has given you our reasons." Carmen nodded as Bette continued, "I didn't have an art meeting today. I met Alice at a hospital that had a Jane Doe who matched Shane's description." Bette noticed Carmen shift uncomfortably and look away. Bette took a deep breath and steeled herself for what she was about to do. "It wasn't her. While we were there though, Alice got a phone call from Shane."

Carmen looked up expectantly. "Is she okay?"

Bette nodded. "Alice said that she sounded really good. I think she said she was in Tahoe."

Carmen closed her eyes and took a deep breath to alleviate the anger building up inside her. "I'm glad she's okay, but I'd like to quit looking over my shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop. So, for my own sanity, is she or is she not coming back?"

Bette shook her head. "She didn't say. Alice got the impression that she wasn't going to be back anytime soon."

Carmen nodded her head as she stood. "Okay. Thanks for telling me, Bette. I'll see you later."

Bette stood and walked to the window. She watched Carmen get into her car, shake her head, and slam her hand against the steering wheel before she pulled out of the driveway. Bette turned back to Angelica and kneeled down. "Mama B just got deeper into the middle of this war. And I don't think anyone is going to win." Bette sighed as she picked her baby girl up. "I just hope we don't all become casualties."


	5. Chapter 5

**Part Five**

**Disclaimer:** See Part One

-------------------

Sitting at the gang's usual table in The Planet, Bette sipped her coffee as she watched each of her friends. Alice stood at the front counter joking with Lara as she got her drink refilled. Helena and Tina discussed a new client at the studio. And Jenny, well, she was being Jenny. Bette reflected on the past two weeks and how incredibly long they had felt. Shane was still in the hospital recovering, a minor complication extending her stay. She slept so much and still wouldn't talk about Carmen or about what had happened to her. If Bette didn't know better, she would think that Shane spent most of her days asleep so she could hide, but Bette also knew that Shane was still in a lot of pain and that was a huge reason she slept a lot. On the other end, Carmen had increased her hours spent as a DJ and had also gotten a job with Helena's production company working in the music department. Bette noticed that she was just burying herself in her work instead of dealing with anything, but also in an effort to get her life back. Bette remembered how easy that had been for her as well. Being stuck in the middle, however, was becoming tiresome. Bette and the others were struggling as well as the once lovebirds. Startled at her cell phone ringing, Bette quickly set her mug down and answered.

"Hi, Bette, it's Harry Samchuk. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to return your phone call."

Bette got up from her chair and walked to Kit's office. "That's fine, Mr. Samchuk. I hope it was okay that I got your number from Helena. She said you'd be the one to know everyone in the business."

"No, of course I don't mind. I would have called sooner but I've been on a business trip for the past month and just got back into the states. How can I help you?"

"Well, I'm trying to contact Cherie Jaffe." Bette replied with a bit of hesitation.

"Cherie? What on earth do you want to talk to her for?"

Bette looked out the window. "She's an old friend of a friend. It's a personal matter."

"Fair enough. Cherie changed her last name back to Peroni after the divorce."

Bette quickly wrote down Cherie's information and thanked Harry as she flipped her phone shut. Checking her watch, Bette walked out of Kit's office and looked toward the gang's table to see that Carmen was speaking animatedly with Helena and Tina. Bette sat back down and signaled the waitress to refill her mug.

Carmen quickly turned to Bette. "Hey!"

Bette smiled. "Hey girl, you've been keeping busy."

Alice chimed in, "Yeah, we haven't seen you in awhile." Alice leaned over the table and felt Carmen's forehead. "Are you feeling okay?" Alice winked.

Carmen smirked. "Yeah, yeah." She turned to Jenny. "Hey, Jen, would it be alright if I moved back into the studio?"

The entire table wobbled as Alice's knee hit the table and everyone else's heads jerked up in surprise.

Jenny placed her hand onto Carmen's and smiled. "Of course!"

Tina took the motherly position and spoke, "That's a big step, Carmen. We're proud of you."

Carmen smiled. "Thanks! I need my own space again and I really need to get on with my life. I can't do that hiding at my mother's." Carmen looked at her watch and then at Helena. "Oh hey, we need to get going." She turned to Jenny as she waved to the rest of the group on her way out. "I'll get my stuff and bring it back over this afternoon."

Jenny nodded and turned to Alice nursing her knee and then to Bette nursing her mug of coffee. "When do you get Shane?"

Bette sighed. "This will be interesting. She's released this afternoon." She set her mug down on the table. "I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, especially now that they will be practically five yards away from each other."

"No kidding! I have to think before I speak now." Alice smirked.

Jenny laughed and turned to Bette. "Well, we're just going to have to be careful then. I'll call Carmen a bit later to get a time that she'll be over and hopefully we can work around it with getting Shane into your house."

Bette nodded. "On another note, I found Cherie and I'm going to go talk to her today before I get Shane."

"Good luck with that. She's a b**ch." Alice remarked.

"Well, until Shane starts talking it's the only lead we have."

----------------------

After dropping Angelica off with Angus, Bette pulled up to an enormous house on the beach. She looked at the directions in her hand and back up at the house. "Figures," Bette remarked, shaking her head. She got out of her car, walked to the front door, and rang the doorbell.

The door opened slightly as Cherie sarcastically yelled back into her house. "No, Louisa, I've got it!" She shook her head, mumbling under her breath, and turned to greet her visitor. "Oh, hello… I'm guessing Bette, right?"

Bette lifted her brow and tilted her head to the side.

Cherie waved her hand haughtily. "I recall Shane speaking of you once or twice." She shook her head, her voice dripping with sugar. "Doesn't matter… What can I do for such a good friend of Shane's?"

Bette cleared her throat and tried to hide her annoyance. "Have you seen Shane recently?"

Shaking her head, Cherie responded, "Not since that night she told me to f**k off."

Bette sighed sarcastically. "Right." She glared a little more closely at Cherie. "You sure about that?"

Malice entered Cherie's voice as she responded, "I think I would know. What the hell is going on?"

Stepping closer, Bette gritted her teeth and hissed, "Someone attacked Shane."

Surprised, Cherie gasped and clapped her hand to her heart. "What happened?"

Bette stepped even closer and squint her eyes at Cherie. "We thought you would know."

Irritated, Cherie's voice raised as she responded, "How the f**k should I know? I've been in Europe with my daughter for the past couple of weeks."

Bette stepped back and put her hands on her hips defeated. "What about your husband?"

Cherie smirked. "The last time I saw him, he said this city wasn't big enough for the both of us. He moved back to New York."

Bette mustered up enough sweetness to smile and thank Cherie before turning to go. _'Shane's silence is going to have to stop._ Bette thought as she got into her car.

------------------

Carmen's head bobbed to the beat in her headphones while she stared at the display on her desk. Moving a couple of sliders, she wrote something down in her notebook. She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped slightly, taking her headphones off and swinging her chair around.

"Oh, Helena!" Carmen held her hand to her chest and laughed. "You scared me!"

"My apologies, dear. I thought you heard me call your name." Helena smiled. "I should have known you would be immersed in your music. After all, it's why I hired you."

Carmen smiled as Helena sat in the chair beside her.

Taking a deep breath, Helena continued, "I wanted to speak with you about my living arrangements. I still haven't found a suitable place and Jenny has been very generous to allow me a place to stay for so long. However, I don't want to make things worse on you."

Confused, Carmen interrupted, "What do you mean?"

"I've been staying in your old room and…"

Waving her hand in the air, Carmen interrupted once again, "Don't worry about it, Helena. The studio works out perfect for me anyway. And as far as I'm concerned, the second bedroom in the house is yours."

------------------

Gently nudging Shane on the shoulder, Bette spoke softly, "Shane, we need to get moving." When Shane did not wake, Bette checked her watch again. "Shane, honey…"

Slowly opening her eyes, Shane blinked a couple of times. "Don't you have to fill out paperwork?"

Pulling the covers back from Shane and handing her some clothes, Bette responded, "Nice try. Already done." She noticed Shane struggle somewhat with her shirt and offered to help.

Shane shook her head and Bette returned to picking up Shane's remaining belongings.

"Um, Bette…" Shane sat on the bed with her shirt half on and spoke dejectedly as Bette turned. "I need some help."

----------------

While Jenny and Lara helped get Carmen situated in the studio, Alice and Helena sat by the pool chatting in hushed tones as they watched Angelica. Bette had called earlier and asked that Tina get the guest room together for Shane, so she was inside.

"Oh! I forgot the bag that was in my trunk." Carmen exclaimed.

Both Jenny's and Laura's heads snapped back and they responded simultaneously, "I'll get it!"

Carmen waved them off and opened the door. "No need, I'll go get it."

---------------

Bette sat in her car across the street watching Carmen open her trunk. As soon as she had seen Carmen, Bette pushed the sleeping Shane lay further back in the reclined seat. Currently, Bette tried to rouse Alice on her cell phone. She was going to need some help moving the dead weight beside her and seeing as how Carmen just spotted her, she was going to need a distraction as well.

---------------

Carmen waved at Bette and lugged her bag to the backyard. Dropping it at the fence, Carmen walked to where Alice and Helena sat beside the pool. "Hey, what's Bette doing sitting across the street?"

Both Helena's and Alice's heads snapped in her direction. They were saved from answering when Tina walked out of the house holding a ringing cell phone.

"Hey, Al, I think it's yours." Tina said as she handed the phone to Alice.

Alice answered the phone and didn't let on to whom she was talking. She turned to Helena and spoke, "Why don't you go see what Carmen's talking about?"

Helena looked confused but followed Tina back inside to look out the window.

Alice listened to Bette tell her that she needed a distraction and that she needed help. Things had gone wrong and they needed to think quickly.

Helena walked out to the pool and confirmed what she had seen. Concerned, she stared at Alice who was scrunching her eyes together. "Alice, are you feeling okay?"

Alice opened her eyes and assessed the situation. She was going to have to do something fast before Carmen got any more suspicious. Helena said her name again, but she didn't pay any attention. Alice shook her head as if she was coming out of something and quickly turned to Carmen, knocking her into the pool.

Shocked, Helena stared at the pool. "What just happened?"

Alice turned back to Helena and placed a finger in front of her mouth. "Distraction… Bette needs help."

Realization donned in Helena's eyes and she rushed back through the house.

Alice looked back at the pool and watched Carmen surface. _'She doesn't look too mad_.' She reached out her hand and helped Carmen out of the pool as she nervously laughed. "Sorry about that, I'm such a clutz sometimes."

Having temporarily forgotten Bette, Carmen laughed a little as well. "No worries." Wringing out her hair, Carmen continued, "You mind getting me a towel?"

Alice nodded and quickly grabbed a towel from inside, noticing Shane being carried in by the other girls. She quickly shook her head and ran back outside. "Hey, why don't we go back to the studio and get you some dry clothes? I'll get your bag." Alice rushed to the fence and retrieved Carmen's bag, trying to think of something that would speed up her friend. Waving Carmen over, Alice spoke loudly as she looked toward the studio, "C'mon, Carmen, the chlorine's not good for your clothes."

Jenny and Lara heard Alice yell and dropped what they were doing. They rushed outside and noticed a dripping Latina. Lara shook her head at Alice as Jenny grabbed another towel from inside the door and wrapped it around Carmen. Jenny and Carmen spoke about what happened as they walked into the studio.

Alice shrugged her shoulders at Lara's questioning eyes. "I'll explain later. Here's her other bag."


	6. Chapter 6

**Part Six**

**Disclaimer:** See Part One

----------------------

A couple days had passed since both Shane's and Carmen's move. Thinking that it would be harder to keep the news about Shane secret from Carmen, the gang breathed a bit easier once they found that it was not hard at all. Shane was still sleeping most of the time. When she was awake, she was slowly gaining her movement back, but still had not left her room. Bette worried that the sleeping was because Shane was depressed, but the doctors assured her that Shane would be sleeping much more than normal until she was fully healed.

Looking at her watch, Bette opened the door to the guest room. Not once since Bette had been visiting had it looked like Shane was sleeping peacefully. She walked to the bed and sat on the edge, gently shaking Shane. Bette watched Shane open her eyes and continued to look into the green stare. Another thing Bette had noticed was that Shane's eyes looked more like a child's; innocent, scared, and confused.

Holding Shane's hand, Bette squeezed it and tried to focus on why she was there. _'Answers… you need answers Bette._' Bette took a deep breath and steeled herself for Shane's reaction. "I need to know what happened, Shane."

Shane grunted and tried to roll over, but winced in pain. "Right." The look on Bette's face told Shane that the older woman wasn't going to leave until she got some answers. Scooting herself up to a sitting position on the bed, Shane picked up the glass of water by her bed and took a drink. Setting the water down, she looked Bette in the eye and drew a deep breath. "The gay mafia drugged and attacked me."

Bette couldn't believe Shane had said that with a straight face. "Seriously, Shane."

"I am serious. I think I would know who f**king tried to kill me."

"Okay, then. Tell me exactly what happened, Shane."

Shane told Bette everything that had happened, from the phone call from Clive to Harry's monologue to Lacey's involvement. "I don't remember anything else after that."

'_This doesn't make any sense._' Bette thought, confused. "Thank you for telling me, Shane. I'm going to The Planet for a bit. Do you need anything before I leave?" Bette handed Shane some pills.

Shaking her head, Shane took the pills and drank some more water. "Just these, thanks."

Bette nodded. "I'll bring some food back for you."

On her way to The Planet, Bette phoned the detective working on Shane's case. "Yes, that's what she said."

The detective responded, "Wait, did you say Clive?"

"Yes."

The detective rustled some papers on the other end of the line. "We finally got the plates for the car that dropped Shane off at the ER. The car belonged to a guy… um… Sulley. He said no one but him had the keys to the car. We found blood in the car and it's getting looked at as we speak. We have Sulley on surveillance, his alibi did check out for that night. But, the guy that answered the door to the house was a guy named Clive… said he worked for Sulley. We'll head back over there and see what's really going on. We'll also check out the whereabouts of the other individuals you mentioned."

Bette turned into the parking lot of The Planet. "I appreciate it. Let me know what you find out."

------------

Shifting her car into park, Carmen rubbed her eyes. She hadn't been sleeping well since moving back to Jenny's house. She kept hearing Shane's voice and constantly felt her presence. Even after Carmen had scoured every corner of the studio with cleaner, she still smelled Shane's unmistakable scent. Carmen shook her head and got out of her car. "I'm going crazy. That's the only explanation."

"Well, talking to yourself is the first sign." Alice quipped as she met Carmen on the sidewalk.

Smiling distractedly, Carmen responded, "Yeah."

Alice opened the door to The Planet and allowed Carmen to enter first. "You okay?"

Carmen waved her hand in the air and nodded. "Yeah, I'm cool."

Greeted with hearty hellos from the group at their table, Carmen cleared her throat and started to speak, "Are we still on for my 'thank you' dinner tonight?"

Bette shook her head. "Carmen, you really don't have to do that. We're your friends; we're supposed to take care of each other."

Carmen smirked. "Yes, and I want to make you dinner."

Bette smiled and tilted her head. "Touché."

-----------------------

After speaking to the chancellor of the university where she had been offered a position of employment, Bette sat quietly on her couch staring at her laptop. The chancellor wanted to see a proposal on how Bette was going to run her ship; however, the only thing Bette could think about was Shane. Startled from her thoughts by the doorbell, Bette set her laptop down and answered the door.

"Oh, detectives, come in." Bette said surprised as she motioned for the detectives to sit. Bette checked her watch. "I didn't realize it was so late. Do you have news?"

Detective Oliver nodded his head and replied, "We need to speak with you and Shane."

Bette nodded. "She's still not able to move around much, would it be possible to talk in the guest room where she is?"

The detective nodded. "Of course, that's not a problem."

Bette led the way to the guest room and knocked. She turned to the detectives when she received no answer. "She's probably sleeping. Let me wake her up."

Bette entered the room and shut the door. "Shane, honey, the police are here and they need to talk to us."

"I already told you what happened," Shane mumbled.

Bette gently helped Shane to sit up. "Come on in, detectives."

The detectives stood at the end of Shane's bed. Detective Oliver pulled out a tape and his notebook. "Shane, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we have arrested the people responsible for what happened to you."

Bette's eyes lit up as Shane's turned downward.

"The bad news is, well, relative… I know you have a clear memory of what happened, but please hear me out."

Shane nodded as Bette placed her hand on Shane's shoulder.

--------------

"Hey Carmen, how's it going?" Alice asked as she walked into the kitchen with Lara at her side.

"Wow, Carmen that smells amazing! You have got to teach me some of these recipes," Lara remarked as she peeked into one of the pots on the stove.

Carmen playfully swatted Lara's hand away and shooed her from the stove. "We might be able to make some sort of arrangement." Carmen winked at Lara as she handed the redhead a beer. Walking toward the living room to retrieve a CD, Carmen noticed the police car parked in Bette's driveway. Furrowing her brow, Carmen spoke slowly, "Did you guys see the cop car at Bette's?"

Alice panicked slightly waving her hand and said, "Oh yeah, that's probably nothing."

Carmen walked briskly into the kitchen and spoke quickly, "Are you sure? Maybe it's about Shane. We should go over there and make sure everything's alright."

Alice thought quickly, "No Carmen, I think I remember Bette saying something about an accident she had today. It's probably just a follow-up."

"She had an accident?"

Noticing that Carmen was starting to move toward the back door, Alice pushed Lara causing her to spill her beer all over Carmen.

"Oh Carmen, I am so sorry!" Lara reached for a towel and handed it to Carmen.

"That's okay, I'll just go change. You mind watching the food?"

Lara shook her head as Carmen walked to the studio. Turning to Alice, Lara playfully shoved her. "Pretty soon she's going to figure out these little accidents."

Alice shrugged as she gave Lara a quick peck on the cheek.

--------------

Detective Oliver took a deep breath. "Well first of all, we verified the whereabouts of the Mr. Jaffe, Ms. Perone, and Mr. Samchuk. They were all out of town the week you were brought to the ER."

Shane shook her head vehemently. "Not possible. I know who I saw! Harry practically b**ched me out!"

Detective Oliver held up his hand. "It might make more sense after I tell you the rest. Your acquaintance, Clive, was involved… but he tells a different story."

Shane was outraged. "And you believe him?!"

"I believe the evidence. Clive said that he found you at one of your old haunts downtown and he did in fact drug you. After that is where your stories go in the opposite direction of each other. He and a larger friend of his brought you to a deserted alleyway. Clive made up the whole story about Harry so you wouldn't think he just needed money again. When you wouldn't give him any money, the two of you started to argue and that's when things turned violent. Clive admitted that he had been high at the time of assault." Detective Oliver closed his book at the sight of Shane's confused look and turned to Bette. "Clive told us the location of the assault and where the instruments used were hidden. The blood in Sulley's car was identified as Shane's and Clive admitted to stealing the car. We have him and his friend in custody."

Bette squeezed Shane's shoulder as Shane shook her head.

"This might help you believe what really happened." Detective Oliver walked to the DVD player, insert the DVD, and pressed play.

Shane watched as an image of herself appeared standing in an alleyway. She saw herself begin to argue with Clive, and then watched as Clive gripped a baseball bat behind his back. She was numb with disbelief as the baseball bat slammed into her chest. She watched with growing nausea as Clive searched for her wallet and didn't find it then kicked her to get up. Shane watched as she hadn't moved and then Clive's friend picked her up. The DVD went blank, but Shane assumed that they had moved her to the car.

"Detective, how did you get that footage?" Bette said as she looked on in horror.

"Clive's not such a smart guy. He picked an alley across from a pawn shop with a surveillance camera." Detective Oliver looked back to Shane after removing the DVD. "Shane, I know this seems unreal and that you are really confused right now. Hell you might even think you're crazy, but this is Dr. Vance and she has something important to tell you."

The woman that they had thought was a detective stepped closer. "Sometimes when a traumatic event happens, we tend to manufacture a memory as a way to cope. When you mix that with an intense feeling of guilt over something that has happened we tend to create a false memory around the thing we feel guilty about. We like to validate our feelings."

Shane touched the healing wound on her forehead. "So, I tried to give meaning to what happened with Clive because of what happened with Carmen?"

Dr. Vance nodded and replied, "Exactly."

Shane closed her eyes. "Detective Oliver, you're right… I am confused."

Bette walked to the door. "I think you just need some time to take this all in." Bette opened the door and motioned for her guests to follow. "Thank you for all of your help."

----------------------

Once Bette had closed the door, Shane picked up the picture that Bette had placed on her night stand. It was a picture of her and Carmen at Wax. Shane shook her head as she stared at the picture. Words from a song she knew flitted through her mind. _'Don't take my picture down and don't erase everything that we had. Don't think I let you down. And I might be gone but we'll meet again_.'

----------------------

Carmen finished putting on a dry shirt and looked at herself in the mirror. 'What is with those two?' Carmen shook her head and walked out into the backyard. Noticing the police car was still in Bette's driveway, Carmen walked toward Bette's back door. _'Something's wrong_.' Opening the back door, Carmen walked in noticing that no one was in the living room or kitchen. 'Okay… this is weird. Carmen walked further into the house toward Bette's bedroom. "Bette?"

--------------------

Carmen's voice startled Shane, causing her to drop the picture she held in her hands. The picture crashed to the floor as Shane scrambled in vain to try to catch it.

-------------------

Carmen quickly turned as she heard the crash. Rushing toward where she thought the sound came from, Carmen raised her voice calling for Bette as she opened the door to the guest room. "Bette? Is everyth-" Carmen stopped short in the doorway as she saw the source of her happiness and pain sitting in the bed. At first, Carmen felt relief and then she noticed the cut on Shane's face and became a little worried. But then Carmen noticed that Shane had her eyes scrunched closed and Carmen thought it looked like she was bracing for a tirade. _'At least she's got that right_,' She thought. Coming out of her shock, Carmen threw her hands up in the air as her anger began to boil to the surface. "What the f**k, Shane?! Have you been here the whole d**n time?!"

-------------------

Waving to the departing police car, Bette sighed heavily as she thought of what this news might do to Shane. Shaking her head, Bette walked to Jenny's house for Carmen's dinner.

-------------------

Shane's eyes flew open as she quickly shook her head.

"Well, where the hell have you been?!" Carmen held up her hand to stop Shane from responding. "No, you know what, I don't care." Carmen turned to leave but stopped as she heard Shane ask her to wait. She turned back around to look into Shane's eyes and spoke with venom in her voice, "What?"

Shane took a deep breath. _'Now or never_.' Shane looked into Carmen's eyes and spoke softly, "I'm sorry. Can you ever open up your heart and let be back in?"

Carmen was furious. "Let you back in?! What, you think that I stopped loving you?! Tell me how to do that, Shane, because I've been trying to get rid of you since you left! It's like trying to get myself to stop breathing. How the f**k do you do that?!" Carmen sighed and her voice softened. "I keep telling myself you're gone, that I'm moving on, but I still feel like dying." Carmen hardened once more. "So don't sit there like it's my fault! You're the one that left, Shane!"

-----------------------

Bette walked into the house and greeted Alice and Lara. "That smells really good." Bette looked around for Carmen. "Where's the cook?"

Alice shrugged and Lara responded, "Tweedle Dummy over here spilled beer all over her."

Bette looked at Alice. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"Hey, in my defense, she was on her way to see if you were okay because of the cop car in your driveway."

Bette nodded. "Always the quick thinker." She looked to the studio and didn't notice any movement. She furrowed her brow. "How long has she been changing?"

Lara checked her watch. "I don't know, probably fifteen minutes or so."

"Hmm. I'm going to go check on her. I have a bad feeling," Bette said as she walked out the back door.

---------------------

"Carmen, I know. I was stupid. I was scared. I am so sorry."

Carmen seethed, "That's not going to work this time, Shane."

'_She doesn't want to hear it, Shane..._ a part of her said, while the other half of her psyche fired back… _'So what, you need to talk to her_!' Shane shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Carmen… You, you're me. I'm the lock, you're the key. You're the air, the air, I breathe. But tonight I'm choking. You are my life. I'm a liar, a thief, and I am an apology. Please don't go."

"Unbelievable, Shane! I can recite Our Lady Peace lyrics too." Carmen shook her head in anger. "I know why you're playing these dirty games. They're killing me and I know how you love to watch me beg. Well here I am. Do you like it? I don't wanna be a puppet for you. I hate myself for begging. I hate myself for staying. I hate myself for listening, for listening, to you." Carmen placed her hands on her hips. "Do you have anything real to say?"

Shane sat quietly, willing herself to think of something to say.

Carmen's heart broke a little more staring at Shane in that moment. Defeated, Carmen responded, "I didn't think so."

---------------------

Bette opened the door to the studio. "Sh*t!" She ran to her back door and bumped into Carmen storming out. _'Oh… no'_

Carmen stopped and stared at Bette with tears in her eyes. "How could you, Bette? How could you keep this from me?"

"I-"

Carmen held up her hand. "Forget it." She stormed back to Jenny's house as Bette rushed to Shane's room.

Bette noticed the defeated look in Shane's eyes. "She still loves you, Shane. She tries not to, but she does. Why don't you quit hiding in here and f**king do something about it? D**n it, Shane! Fight for her!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Part Seven**

**Disclaimer:** See Part One

------------------------

"Hey Bette, are you in here?"

Pointing to the mess of glass on the floor, Bette scowled disappointedly at Shane. "If you need to get up later, use the other side of the bed. I will clean that up when I get back." Better turned and walked out of the room. Sighing, she greeted Tina, "Hey T."

Tina walked toward Bette and gave her a hug. "Is everything okay?"

Shaking her head in frustration, Bette opened the back door. "It's a long story…"

-----------------------

After grabbing her purse and keys from the studio, Carmen slammed the door on her way out. Startled, Alice opened the back door and peered out to see a very angry Latina blazing a path to her car. Alice looked at Lara as if to say "oh no" and rushed out the door. Lara turned down the burner on the stove and followed.

---------------------------

Bette rushed to Jenny's house with Tina in tow. Seeing Carmen in the driveway, Bette yelled, "Carmen, wait!"

Carmen didn't slow down as she yanked her car door open.

"Carmen, hang on a sec!" Alice yelled as she pulled open the passenger side door to peer inside. "What happened?"

Carmen sat for a moment staring at the keys in her hand.

Bette bent to look through Carmen's window and pleaded, "Let me explain."

The fire in Carmen's eyes blazed anew as she jammed her key into the ignition. "Let you explain? What are you going to say, Bette?!"

Lara looked to Tina for confirmation of what had happened and bent to whisper into Alice's ear.

Carmen's turned her head quickly to glare at her passenger side. "And you two! All these little accidents! How could you?!" Carmen then glared back toward Bette. "How could you?"

Tina started to say something, but Carmen cut her off, "Forget it. I don't want to hear it." She turned to Alice. "Please get out."

Alice placed her hand on Carmen's shoulder and shook her head. "I'm not going anywhere. You're family Carmen. We were just trying to protect you."

Carmen angrily shrugged the offensive hand from her shoulder and glared at Alice. "Protect me?! Don't give me that bulls**t! You were protecting Shane! You didn't want me to go all "crazy Latina" on her! I thought you were my friends."

Bette could see the whites of Carmen's knuckles as she gripped the steering wheel, clearly holding back some of her anger. But before she could interject some wisdom to the situation, Carmen turned the ignition and revved the engine.

------------------

Hearing the commotion outside, Shane carefully got out of bed and hobbled to the front door.

-----------------

Turning to Alice, Carmen commanded through clenched teeth, "Get out." When Alice did not move from her sitting position, Carmen lost the grip she had held on her anger. Her voice getting increasingly louder by the word, Carmen pushed at Alice. "Get… the f**k… out… of my… car!"

With Carmen's final exclamation, Alice got out fast, shut the passenger's door, and peered through the window. "Carmen, please…"

Carmen looked at each one of her friend's faces and then shifted her car into reverse. Staring at her hands once again gripping the steering wheel, Carmen exclaimed, "Go to hell!" She then removed her foot from the brake and slammed it down on the gas pedal.

-------------------

Opening the front door, Shane saw her worst nightmare. Quickly hobbling outside, Shane yelled, "Carm! Wait!"

To her horror, she was too late.

----------------

Hearing Shane's scream and the screeching of tires, Bette and the rest of the gang turned from their quick discussion of events to see Carmen's car flip upside down. The women just stood there dumbfounded.

As if happening in slow motion, the driver of the other car involved in the accident started to dislodge the car from the wreckage and pull away.

Awakened from her state of shock, Alice took off running when she saw the other car start to drive away.

Bette then ran to Carmen to see if she was okay, while Lara ran back inside the house to call 911.

Tina, noticing Shane slumped on the ground crying, rushed to lend a comforting presence to her devastated friend.

------------------

"Please hurry!" Lara exclaimed to the 911 operator as she hung up the phone.

Noticing the look of shock on Lara's face, Jenny asked, "Lara, what's going on?"

"Oh my God, Jen! Where have you been?"

Looking confused, Jenny shrugged, "I was in my room writing."

Lara quickly recounted the events that happened and pulled Jenny outside.

--------------------

Bending down to check the wreckage of the overturned car, Bette moved to the driver's side. Unable to see Carmen, Bette tried to open the door. When she couldn't make the metal budge, Bette dropped to her knees. Seeing a small movement from the corner of her eye, Bette noticed Carmen's hand reaching out the window. Slowly and gently, Bette cupped Carmen's hand in her own. "Carmen? Are you okay?" Receiving no response, Bette reassuringly squeezed the hand she held. "It's going to be okay." Feeling Carmen's hand go limp, and hearing the sirens in the distance, Bette closed her eyes and hoped for the best.


	8. Chapter 8

**Part Eight**

**Disclaimer:** See Part One

-----------------

Carmen walked through the door to The Planet and took a deep breath to alleviate her nervousness. She spotted the gang at their usual table, but stopped and stared at them for a moment lost in thought. She remembered the last time she sat at that table. She had invited her friends for dinner. They were supposed to talk and laugh, but instead, life had something else planned for her. So here she now stood, staring at what used to be. _'Just keep walking. Waiting is not going to make it any easier._' Carmen took another deep breath and walked toward her friends.

Noticing the Latina's presence, each friend silently watched Carmen approach their table. Carmen stopped again and blankly stared at the stage she once commanded. She remembered the nights she held those throngs of dancers in the palm of her hand. Most of all, she remembered the single person she held in the palm of her hand. Shane. Shane always loved to watch Carmen spin. Bringing herself back to reality, Carmen found herself standing in front of the table she no longer felt welcome at and slowly scanned her friends' reactions to her presence.

Under Carmen's intense glare, Jenny winced and quickly hid behind the magazine she was holding. Alice fidgeted in her chair while Tina and Helena smiled awkwardly. When Carmen's eyes finally landed on Bette, the Latina closed her eyes and took another deep breath.

"Car-"

Carmen held up her hand to stop Bette from continuing. "Forget it. There's nothing anyone can change now." Carmen wiped a tear from underneath her eye. "I'm done fighting. I'm done crying. I'm done struggling." Carmen sighed as she shook her head to clear her thoughts. "I'm just done." Turning to leave The Planet for the last time, Carmen felt someone grab her arm and pull her back to the table.

"Carmen?" Alice responded sheepishly.

Seeing the unspoken question in Alice's eyes, Carmen replied, "I'm leaving." Noticing the shock on her friends' faces, tears started to flow more freely and Carmen let the scalding droplets wet her face. "I can't stay. There's just…" Carmen opened her hands and gestured around as she continued, "Too much here."

Jenny's meek voice sounded for the first time, "But that's exactly why you should stay."

Carmen wiped her eyes and replied with a new strength in her voice, "I don't want to waste my life by not living. I'm sorry. I need to start over. So, this is my last day in California."

"Let us help you," Helena responded.

"You can still start over here," Tina chimed in.

Carmen shook her head solemnly as her heart broke once again. "I'm moving on and I'm sorry, but it starts with goodbye. I hope you will understand." Carmen quickly turned to walk away but was stopped as she was pulled into a hug by Bette.

Bette whispered into Carmen's ear as she held her tightly, "You will always be family."

Carmen gathered the rest of her strength so she wouldn't cry as the others joined the hug too. "I'll miss you too."

After a couple of minutes and the group of women let go, Carmen turned and walked away from the life she knew.

-----------------------

Carmen stared at the studio and then at the house thinking of the night Shane had asked her to move in. Shane had been nonchalant as she quietly asked to take their relationship to the next step. Carmen had been delighted and agreed. Memories of the following months invaded Carmen's mind. _'The times before everything got f**ked up,_' she thought ruefully. As her family fastened the tarp over her belongings in the jeep, Carmen turned and looked at the garden. She thought back to the day Shane had proposed. She had spent so much time cultivating her garden, and her relationship, but now they were both dead. _'Why bother when everything turns to s**t anyway?_'

Carmen finally looked at her family and saw the sadness in their eyes. She knew they understood why she had to leave, but she also knew that it didn't mean they liked it. Carmen hugged her family as she slowly shut down inside. Soon she would be fine.

After saying her last goodbye, Carmen got into her jeep and drove. With each mile she put between her and her old life, Carmen locked her emotions deep inside as she erected the walls that would protect her from anymore heartache.

-----------------

After finding herself in Florida, Carmen threw herself into her music. She was the house DJ every night at Club Reflex and also did special events for the manager's entertainment business. When she wasn't playing DJ, she would sit in front of her computer making music. She poured everything she had into her art and the crowds loved it. She single-handedly packed the club every night.

"Well, if it isn't the hottest DJ in Miami!"

Carmen smiled and shook her head in protest. "Quit it, Marcus."

Marcus held up his hand, stopping Carmen from talking. "I told you I'd be back with a better offer. Maxim really wants you to do a spread for them."

Rolling her eyes, Carmen responded, "That's only because all the other DJs down here are men. They just want the token female DJ so they can sell more magazines with pictures of me half-naked."

Marcus pleaded. "It would be really great for you and the club…"

Carmen finally relented, "Fine… but I don't do interviews."

Marcus nodded. "I know, I know, you're a woman of few words." He smiled. "One of these days I'm going to get you to open up."

Carmen shrugged. "Doubt it."

---------------

"No, Mami. The spread is just to help my career. No, Mami, they love me down here." Carmen rubbed her eyes as she stared at the clock in her apartment. "The photographs aren't that bad." Carmen picked up the Maxim magazine and flipped to her spread of photos. They were provocative, but nothing out of the ordinary for the magazine. It was just business. She was trying to sell a product just like anyone else. "No, Mami, with the money I made for this shoot, I'll be able to upgrade my equipment."

Carmen sighed at her mother's questions. "Of course that's a good thing. That's the whole goal," Carmen pinched the bridge of her nose and continued, "for me to keep making music. No, Marcus is just the club's manager. He's cool. No, I have not made any friends." Carmen paused a moment and then continued, "And frankly, I don't intend to either. Leave it alone, Mami." Carmen tried to remain calm as her mother continued to meddle. "I thought I told you not to talk about them?" Sighing, Carmen continued, "Never mind, I've gotta go. Love you too."

For the first time since arriving in Florida, Carmen reflected on her new life. She had a great job and was able to make music, but she didn't have anything else. She had refused to open her heart to anyone else, so she didn't really have any friends. She split her time between the club and her apartment. She rarely slept, rarely ate, and rarely spoke. She left her other life so that she could live, but in doing so, she became a lifeless shell. She had been able to start over, but her life was meaningless now. _'How the f**k did this happen?_'

-----------------

Carmen was sitting slumped in her chair when she was startled by a buzzing sound. Most nights, after the club shut down, Carmen would go home, sit at her computer, and fall asleep in her chair. Again, Carmen heard the buzzing sound and rubbed her eyes as she walked over to the intercom.

Groggily, Carmen asked, "Yeah?"

There was silence on the other end for a moment. And then Carmen heard it. She heard the voice she thought she'd never hear again.

"It's me… Can I come up?"

The walls that Carmen had built started to shake, but she held them tight. "Go home, Shane." Carmen walked away from the intercom and sat on her bed staring at the door. She was startled once again when she heard a knock. She slowly walked to the door, peered through the peephole, and saw a nervous Shane standing on the other side of the door. "I said go home."

She watched as Shane shuffled her feet and then replied, "Home is wherever you are Carmen."

That was all it took for Carmen's walls to crack and she swung open the door. "Bulls**t, Shane!" Carmen noticed that she had startled Shane with her outburst and decided to go on the offensive. "How the f**k did you find me?"

Shane pulled the Maxim magazine from her back pocket.

Carmen huffed, "I knew I shouldn't have done that d**n spread."

"I'll say! You look like a f**king slut!" Shane exclaimed.

Carmen looked incredulously at Shane. "Who said you could give a f**k? You lost that right a long time ago!"

"I still love you, Carmen! So that means I can give a f**k!" Shane pushed through the door and slammed it behind her. She grabbed Carmen's shoulders and held her so she couldn't move. "I f**king love you, d**nit! I made a mistake. You didn't have to leave!"

Carmen shrugged the offending hands from her shoulders and stared at Shane. "Are you f**king kidding me?! You're the one that left me, Shane! At the f**king altar no less!"

"Well, I never would have met that jackass, if you weren't so f**king pushy!"

"F**k you, Shane!" Furious, Carmen slapped Shane square in the face.

-----------------------

Shane sat staring at the heart monitor when she felt Carmen's hand twitch.


	9. Chapter 9: Final

**Part Nine**

**Disclaimer:** See Part One

-----------------

Carmen glared incredulously at Shane. "I didn't hold a gun to your head. Last I recall I could never MAKE you do anything! So don't f**king blame me. It's all on you."

Shane stepped closer into Carmen's personal space, gritted her teeth, and replied, "He left his family! Destroyed--"

Carmen interrupted, "Quit blaming him for your mistakes, Shane!" She stepped closer to Shane, lowering her voice as she continued, "You made the choice to leave, not anyone else."

-----------------

Shane stared at Carmen's face as she held onto her hand. "Come on, Carm. Do that again."

---------------

Carmen shook her head in disgust and turned to walk away from Shane, but she was interrupted as Shane grabbed her by the arm and quickly turned Carmen back to face her.

Irritated, Carmen slapped Shane's hand and pushed her away. "Don't touch me!"

---------------

Shane was startled when Carmen squeezed her hand.

The door to the room opened and Bette stepped inside. "Shane, we need to go. Visiting hours are over."

"But Carmen just squeezed my hand. I can't leave now," Shane said desperately.

Bette walked toward Shane and knelt in front of her chair. "Honey, the doctors said she wasn't going to wake up."

Shane shook her head in protest. "No! She's going to come around. I've been talking to her and she squeezed my hand."

Bette sighed in frustration as she stood and grabbed the handles of Shane's wheelchair. "We need to go, Shane. Mercedes was gracious enough to let you in here to begin with." Bette remembered Shane's reaction when the gang had made it to the hospital. She had been practically inconsolable.

_Shane sat bent over in the waiting room with her head in her hands. She heard the voices of Carmen's family in the distance and tried to wipe the tears from her eyes as she looked toward the entrance of the waiting room. She saw Bette and Tina get up quickly to meet the family._

_Bette moved sideways in an effort to block Shane from the view of the Morales family. To Bette's dismay, after the family had been briefed on Carmen's condition, Bette noticed that Mercedes had seen Shane and started to walk toward her slumping form. She was quickly followed by one of Carmen's sisters. Carmen's two families, one by birth and one by choice, stood in silence and anticipation as to what might happen next._

_Mercedes spoke quickly in Spanish, falling back on her native language in this time of crisis, but Shane couldn't understand the words coming out of her mouth. She was grateful when Carmen's sister began to translate._

"_I will not pretend to understand what happened to make you act so stupid. I will not pretend to be happy that you have finally shown your face. But I know that when you are with my Carmen, you make her happy and that's what matters most. The rest of the family may not be as forgiving," Carmen's sister continued to translate as she quickly looked back at her cousin and continued, "But you already know that much."_

_Shane watched as Carmen's cousin gave her "the nod" and then escorted Mercedes and the rest of the family to another waiting room. Shane had expected an emotional tirade and although she was relieved she wasn't on the receiving end of one, she was also somewhat disappointed since she felt she didn't deserve to be forgiven._

Bette sighed disapprovingly as Shane would not let go of Carmen's hand. "Please let go. You assured us all that you would say good-bye with dignity. Please don't make a scene."

Glaring at Bette, Shane responded, "But that was when everyone was telling me Carmen wasn't going to make it." Shane held onto the wheelchair's arms and shifted. "I had no choice but to agree to that if I wanted to say good-bye to the one person I love most in the world. I would have agreed to anything!" Shane said as she extended her hands up into the air in frustration. "Look, I know I'm not making this up! She just squeezed my hand! I can't let the Morales' pull the plug!" Shane calmed slightly and evened her voice as she looked pleadingly at Bette. "Carmen's a fighter. I won't leave her."

Bette wanted to allow Shane all the time in the world with Carmen. She didn't want to be the one to pull them apart. But she knew she had to if anyone was going to be able to keep their sanity through this tragedy. She pushed her emotions aside and pulled Shane's wheelchair away from Carmen.

------------------------

Carmen quickly stormed to her front door and opened it, waiting for Shane to get the hint. When it didn't look like Shane was going to budge, Carmen slammed the door and stood with her arms crossed, her eyes flashing fire, and her teeth clenched. "Shane, please leave. I have been living my life just fine without you here to f**k it up!"

Shane glared at Carmen and slowly walked in her direction. "Oh yeah? Quit lying to yourself! You haven't been living at all! Look at this place! Look at you!" Shane exasperated and calmed as she came into whispering distance of Carmen. "You are clearly unhappy and working too much so you don't have to deal. I know. I've been doing that too."

Carmen closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She didn't want to admit is, but Carmen knew that Shane was right. She had been hiding from everyone and everything, including herself and her feelings. She lowered her head and looking toward the floor, she mumbled, "I haven't been able to live without you, but I don't want to get hurt again."

Shane gently pulled Carmen's head up to look her in the eyes. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't ready to admit my mistakes and show you that I am changing."

-------------------------

Shane could do nothing as she was pulled away from her love's bedside. She quickly reached out and grabbed onto anything and everything that she could.

Donning her stern voice once again, Bette knelt to look Shane in the eye as she spoke. "We have to go. We've all said goodbye… I know it's hard to believe, but the doctor's have tried everything they could. Carmen's gone, Shane. I'm sorry." Noticing the tears and a hint of defiance in Shane's eyes, Bette stood and started to wheel Shane out of the hospital room again.

"D**nit, Bette! Why won't you listen to me!?" Shane grabbed for Carmen again. "She's not gone! She's right here!"

Seeing Shane break down was too much for Bette and she began to let the tears she had been holding back finally fall. She couldn't, however, stop from pulling Shane away from Carmen's still form. Shane was still holding onto something on Carmen's bed, but Bette couldn't see what it was. As Bette pulled Shane away, she heard the sound of the heart monitor flat-line. Bette stood still as she quickly looked at the machine, at Carmen, and then at Shane holding onto a handful of wires.

"Shane!" Bette exclaimed as she grabbed the wires from Shane and reattached them to the machine. "That's enough! Let's go!" Bette quickly pulled Shane away from Carmen before Shane could hold onto anything else. Bette noticed Mercedes walk by the window. "Don't you say a word, Shane."

-----------------------------

Carmen stared into Shane's eyes and saw all the answers she needed.

-------------------------------

Bette helped Shane stand to look through the window of Carmen's room as Mercedes had her final moments with her daughter.

Running down the hallway, screaming for Bette and Shane to stop Mercedes, were Alice and Jenny, followed closely behind by Lara and Tina.

Bette and Shane turned as their friends reached their destination and created a scene. Alice was waving a piece of paper in the air trying to catch her breath while Jenny was bent over breathing heavily.

"T, what's going on?" Bette asked confused.

"Stop them!" Alice yelled as she pointed at Carmen's room.

Tina placed her hand on Alice's shoulder and took the paper from her hand. "Shane is still Carmen's medical power of attorney!"

Shane ignored the pain and stiffness of her body as she grabbed the paper from Tina and ran into Carmen's room. "Stop!" Shane shoved the paper into the doctor's face but noticed the uncomfortable look on his face. "What?" Shane looked at Carmen and noticed that her life support had already been removed in the short time they had their head's turned. "Put her back together!"

The doctor refused to look at the paper Shane kept waving in his face. "What are you on about? She's already gone."

Mercedes looked nervously at the doctor, quite confused. "What's going on?"

"No!" Shane exclaimed as she pushed the doctor out of her way and rushed to Carmen's side. "Carmen, baby…" She said as she gently nudged Carmen's shoulder. Shane looked nervously at the monitors, then at her friends, and finally got an idea. As she saw the doctor distracted, talking with Carmen's mother, Shane bent down and began CPR.

----------------------------

Carmen held Shane's hand and then stepped in closer for a hug.

Shane sighed contentedly. "Let me take you home."

---------------------------

Shane placed her lips to Carmen's blowing air into her lungs, and then started chest compressions. After a couple sets, the gang started to get discouraged, but not Shane. She continued with as much hope as before. And just as she bent to blow air into Carmen's lungs once more, Carmen coughed and slowly opened her eyes.

"Carmencita!" Mercedes exclaimed as she rushed back to her daughter's side. She kissed Carmen on her forehead and then unable to contain her excitement, she pulled Shane close and hugged her tightly. Mercedes then, without another word, rushed out of the hospital room to tell the rest of her family the good news.

Shane stared into Carmen's eyes and everything else in the world disappeared. "Carm, I…" She couldn't finish because she started to cry.

Bette noticed Shane lose her balance and rushed to her side to give her some support.

Carmen raised her hand slightly to touch Shane's. "Shane…"

Shane wiped at her eyes and looked back into Carmen's eyes. "I can't live a lie. I need you, Carmen, I can't lose you."

Carmen stared deeply into Shane's eyes and saw her home. She smiled slightly as she squeezed Shane's hand. "I need you too."

Shane closed her eyes and shook her head. "Carmen, I'm so sorry. Never again, Carm. I can't believe-"

Carmen interrupted Shane's apology with a slight squeeze of her hand. "I know, Shane. Just take me home."

Shane bent to kiss Carmen on the forehead and whispered into her ear, "I love you so much."

Carmen closed her eyes and took in the feel of Shane's lips on her skin. "I know." She opened her eyes. "I love you too."

----------------------------

The End.


End file.
